Misleadingly ADHD

I spent so much of my life trying to be what I thought those around me wanted me to be. I thought that I needed to go to university to impress and to earn a decent living. I would not have dared to leave the house without makeup on. I used to try my best to make my friends, boyfriends and family happy; if they were unhappy it was as if it was my fault. I needed to fix it! Guess what?! They are not mine to fix. Yes, I can try and cheer them up or make their day a little bit better. However, they are not my responsibility. It's funny how life turns out when you follow your gut/heart. Yes, that sounds cheesy but it is so unbelievably true! I am more than lucky to be in a position where I was able to take 6 months off. I basically have been working the bare minimum. I really gave myself the time to learn what I wanted to do. And more importantly: I gave myself the time to heal. I also gave myself the time to do some real thinking; what could I do for a living that would make my heart

That's right, bath time! It isn't just for kids! I have been practicing self-care lately and I can't begin to explain how much baths have been helping me. I spread a little bit of bath salts, some lavender soap (it's actually shampoo, but whatever), light the candles, turn on the background music on my calm app and VOILA! I have my oasis. When I first started to take baths I noticed that my hands were balled up in fists and at the bottom of the bath tub. The most amazing thing happened today.. my hands were floating on the top of the water! Whaaaat.. Alyssa was relaxed?! Who knew that could happen! When I first started taking baths it would make me even more anxious. I didn't know what to do with my thoughts. Now I stare at the reflection that the candle makes or I pretend that I am in the oasis that my calm app has created. Basically, I just enjoy my bath and make sure that I am anywhere but in my loop of thoughts. It has taken some time, and I mean months!

First of all, I want to start by saying that ADHD is not an excuse. That said,  when I was first diagnosed with ADHD I felt like I was using my diagnosis as an excuse and, unfortunately, at least one of my family members was wondering the same thing. Through reading ADHD books, websites, blogs, I have learnt what ADHD presents itself as. In educating myself I was able to understand how my brain works and now I can have a life that allows me to be my best self using the brain that I have. This is so huge for me because I have spent my life trying to fit into the mold that the non-adhd brain has created. This is impossible for me and I have struggled for years trying. Let me give you an example: I was working for a company doing assembly line work. Literally tasks that a child in elementary school can do. These are very repetitive tasks; doing the same thing over and over again, sometimes thousands of times. The tasks can vary but most of the time they are very mundane. O

I have had anxiety my whole life and was also treated for it. Now that I have recognized depression in myself, I can also say that I have experienced that too. I throw the word anxiety around like I would with any other word. Why is the word "depression" so terrible. The reaction that I get if I say depression out loud is as if I have struck them across the face. They are SO taken aback. My hunch is that people do not understand depression. I definitely don't. This year was the first time that depression wrapped itself around me like a big, dark, heavy, unwelcome blanket. I had two days in a row where I was crying hysterically for NO REASON. Now it is a little comical, but at the time it was insanely scary and I honestly felt a little bit insane. Depression feels like your body goes: 1. Commencing Override 2. Shutdown complete 3. Initiating release mechanism 4. And cry and cry and cry and cry I have to admit that, for me,  this only lasts for a day or two.

1. Calm I am obsessed with this right now because it is REALLY helping me. I have started a new birth control pill and I am waiting for my body to adjust but I am going through hell. My anxiety is a la max which is essentially causing me to shut down and become depressed. This app helped me to realize that I was repeating to myself "I am depressed, I am depressed" which lead me to essentially freak out and try and find a way to "fix myself". Now, I am trying to reframe my thoughts. Rather than saying "I am depressed", I am now saying "oh, there's the depression feelings. Just keep going with your day." Or, just keep swimming as Dory would say! I am really loving the "7 days of calming anxiety". It is really making me think and flip my thoughts positively! 2. Podcasts This is where I am getting a lot of my ADHD information. I think that it is worth mentioning that these podcasts are the only way that I can get myself on the

The Cave seems like a big, dark, scary place. It doesn't have to be! I was listening to the ADHD Experts podcast the other day. Stacey Turis was talking about How to Unleash your Teens Superpower . Obviously, this is not something that I can relate to. I am closer to being a teen rather than having one of my own. As with everything else, I listened with an open mind and took from the podcast what I wanted. WELL, I took everything! She is so insightful and even though I can't directly relate, I can apply the ideas and suggestions that she had to my own life. Here is my main take home message from the podcast: There are three "types" of people: 1.Introverts 2. Extroverts 3. Combination of introvert and extrovert Most of us know what introverts and extroverts are. Just in case, I took a couple of definitions from google: Introvert: a shy, reticent person.  I also looked up reticent; Reticent: not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily. To be ho

The internet is an amazing thing. There are soooo many resources, it is incredible! For those of us with ADHD, it can also be a total nightmare. I was tagged on a Facebook post for a video from a YouTube channel based in Montreal about healing yourself/your disease naturally. The video is titled Ultimate detailed plan for healing add and adhd naturally (for children and adults)! I have literally been sucked into this for an entire day. My initial reaction was WHAT THE HECK. How can she say that it can be HEALED?! And I was a little bit outraged that she could jump to those claims. That said, her video remained at the back of my mind. I know for a fact that diet plays a huge role in everyone's lives. Who is to say that it can't make a huge impact in the lives of those with ADHD? Maybe we could go so far as to say that by controlling your diet, it could exponentially control your adhd symptoms. This is the part where my brain explodes. From there my anxiety increases by ten