Abnormal Me

-
I have always felt that i was a little "off", abnormal, weird and like I was in the wrong place. I did not belong.

I have read the first few pages of self-help books, took all the quizzes to "find your personality" or "your dream job", tried a lot of different diets, started and quit enough jobs to know that there is something more going on than not being able to find my groove.

Why couldn't I just choose and complete a program in university like everyone was able to do?!
Why was getting out of bed so hard?
Why was falling asleep so hard?
Why do I need hours to get myself to take a shower?
      Then once I do have a shower, why can't I just get dressed and do my hair and makeup?
Why does it take me so long to decide what to eat for breakfast?
Why do I skip lunch most of the time because nothing is interesting enough to make/eat?!
      (don't get me wrong, if someone placed a plate of food in front of me I would eat it!)
Why is my energy level like a rollercoaster?
Why are my emotions also like a rollercoaster?!
Why is speaking in front of a group of people a living hell?
Why is my room like a tornado hit it?
Why is the kitchen a complete disaster whenever I cook?
Why is everything so hard?!

Now I know that I just have ADHD.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 Things I Learnt from my Doctor Visit

-
Image
So today I went to the doctor for the second time after my diagnosis. The first time I went to the doctor after I was diagnosed (two months ago), we briefly spoke about how ADHD medication could be helpful and that I should go for a blood test. I knew that I didn't want medication at the time and she wasn't willing to begin to try me on ADHD medications before receiving a paper confirming my diagnosis. Let me give you a little back story. I had a doctor in the West Island after I left my paediatrician. He is an older man and he was my grandparents doctor, my parents doctor and naturally he became my doctor. He was helping me with my anxiety. I still knew that there was something "off" and I was trying to get to the bottom of it. At one point I even mentioned ADHD. I remember telling him that I would walk from room to room in my house forgetting what I was doing. He told me that was normal, and that ADHD was a fad. Naturally, I believed him. He is my doctor after a
Read more

Skills not pills

-
Image
I am so happy, excited and proud of myself! I did it! I created a support group in the West Island of Montreal!  Last night was our first meeting and I think that it went really well! It was so nice to be surrounded by like-minded individuals and I am so excited to learn from them and share my personal experience! :) I know that this is a pretty controversial topic. To medicate or not to medicate ? It's been two months since I was officially diagnosed (I accidentally wrote medicated ahah, my ADHD brain) and to be honest I am pretty freaked out by medication. I can't wrap my head around being on mediation for the rest of my life to help manage my brain. For that reason I have given myself some time to learn skills that I can use to help harness and use my ADHD strengths. Anyways, the reason why I decided to write about this was because the speaker last night said: "Skills not Pills" I think that this is one side of the medication debate but I do agree tha
Read more

Addicted to your phone? Use it to your advantage! 10 Apps I actually use to help with my ADHD & Anxiety

-
Image
1. Calm I am obsessed with this right now because it is REALLY helping me. I have started a new birth control pill and I am waiting for my body to adjust but I am going through hell. My anxiety is a la max which is essentially causing me to shut down and become depressed. This app helped me to realize that I was repeating to myself "I am depressed, I am depressed" which lead me to essentially freak out and try and find a way to "fix myself". Now, I am trying to reframe my thoughts. Rather than saying "I am depressed", I am now saying "oh, there's the depression feelings. Just keep going with your day." Or, just keep swimming as Dory would say! I am really loving the "7 days of calming anxiety". It is really making me think and flip my thoughts positively! 2. Podcasts This is where I am getting a lot of my ADHD information. I think that it is worth mentioning that these podcasts are the only way that I can get myself on the
Read more

You are exaggerating or overreacting

-
I cannot begin to count the amount of times that I have heard one of these two lines: "Alyssa, you are overreacting" "Alyssa, stop exaggerating" Sometimes yes, I am overreacting. OMG LOOK AT THE RABIT IN THE BACKYARD. However, sometimes when I am hopping on one foot because I stubbed my toe going "ow, ow, ow" and I am told that I am overreacting it straight up hurts my feelings. No. I am not overreacting. This really hurts. And it would be nice if you would take it seriously instead of looking at me like k, you done? The biggest problem with people telling me that I am overreacting is that I do not take myself seriously anymore. I do not know if I should believe myself when I have physically hurt myself. Is it really as bad as it seems? I really need to learn to trust myself again. How do I do that when I can't even tell if I'm overreacting?! Such a good example is when I had to get my appendix removed. I should probably mention that I
Read more

Habits

-
My ADHD diagnosis has been the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. So many random little things that have always bothered me about myself now make sense. I also have accepted that doing things/getting things done is BIOLOGICALLY harder for me and it is ok if I need to follow an app on my phone that is a timer/list to get pretty basic human things like having a shower done in the morning. Over the past month I have slowly been making small little changes that have been adding up to BIG CHANGES in my life! 1. Leaving my phone in the bathroom when I go to sleep.   This may sound silly but it is HUGE. I used to lie in bed before going to sleep and check Facebook and Instagram on a continuous loop for no reason. Same thing goes for when I wake up in the morning. I would either fall back asleep with my phone in my hand while "snoozing" or I would pick up my phone and do the continuous social media loop for, I kid you not, up to an hour. What a time waster!
Read more

Brain Stuck

-
Sometimes I have little to dos that I want to get done, ideas for projects I want to start, I need to get dressed, I need to eat lunch annnnnd I get brain stuck (most people would call it overwhelmed). I start to play a loop in my head of what I would like to get done right in that second, my anxiety sky rockets, I am overwhelmed and I almost become paralyzed or "brain stuck". I used to turn on Netflix and go into a mini coma to try and get out of that little funk. It didn't work. My anxiety would plateau, if not become worse and the thoughts of tasks that I would like to accomplish are still there but they are looping behind whatever Netflix show I decided to binge. I become increasingly more disappointed in myself. Why can't I just get things done like a "normal person"?! This is a bad, bad situation for me and one that I know way too well. How to get out of it?! 1. I like to identify that I am in this loop and I am starting to become brain stuck. 2.
Read more